Alpha Xander's Undoing Chasing my Unknown Mate Back novel Chapter 33

*Rory*

“I killed him.”

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The words came out in a whisper, barely audible over the roaring in my ears, but they kept tumbling out, over and over again.

“I killed him. I killed him. I killed him.”

My hands trembled as I stared at them, seeing nothing but red, even though they were my fingers instead of claws now. But it didn’t matter.

Because I could still feel it. I still felt the jagged drag of claw against skin, slicing through as if it were my own. I still felt when the claws made its mark and pulled, severing smooth flesh apart.

The wet warmth of his blood. The way his body jerked. The light leaving his eyes.

I couldn’t breathe.

A ringing filled my head, drowning everything else out. Xander’s voice, the voices around me, everything. It was just me, trapped in my mind, reliving the horror over and over.

A warm hand cupped my face, forcing me to look up. Xander. His lips were moving, his brows furrowed in concern, but I couldn’t hear him.

The world blurred.

My stomach twisted, my vision tilting and fading at the edges. I felt… light.

I heard more voices, someone shouting, footsteps approaching fast-

Then–darkness.

***

I woke up to warmth surrounding me.

It was the second time in the past few hours I had woken up in his bed.

For a moment, I forgot everything. The grief, the horror, the blood. I felt light, safe, and warm.

Then I felt it–arms around me.

I tensed slightly, then relaxed when I recognized the scent.

I jerked up, no longer drowsy as I flung myself back into the conscious world fully. I allowed my eyes to focus, and indeed, I was right.

13:38 Tue, Sep 16 N

Chapter 33

Matt.

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A shaky breath left me as I turned into him, throwing my arms around his neck and burying my face into his

shoulder.

“Is it really you?” I looked up, meeting those familiar hazel eyes.

It was really him. Matt was here, holding me.

“Gosh, I missed you,” I mumbled, my voice raw.

Matt chuckled, his arms tightening around me. “I missed you too, beautiful.”

“Xander allowed you to see me?” I asked, still not believing this was true.

Matt nodded. “He’s occupied and he didn’t want to leave you alone. Your quirky friend with the glasses is at her aunts and the other weird roommate of yours in nowhere to be seen. So he didn’t trust anyone else but me.”

I nodded, both in worry and gratitude. It all came crashing back to me then, as I considered why Xander might’ve been ‘occupied.’

For a second, I let myself believe it had all been a dream. That I hadn’t killed anyone. That I wasn’t a monster.

But then, I pulled back, looking up at Matt’s face–and saw the sadness there.

“Did I really kill someone?” I asked, and he didn’t answer right away, which was an answer in itself. “No…” I whispered.

I looked at my hands again. They were now clean. But I knew better.

It wasn’t a dream.

A sob climbed up my throat, and I clamped my hand over my mouth. Matt reached for me, pulling me into his arms again, cradling me, rocking me.

“It wasn’t you,” he murmured against my hair. “It was your wolf, Rory. Not you.”

But that didn’t make it better.

Tears slipped from my eyes, soaking into his shirt as I cried, as I tried to understand how I had lost control so completely.

I had never been a violent person. I never wanted to hurt anyone. But Zerina did.

I sniffled, forcing myself to sit up, to breathe and to calm down.

“What happens now?” My voice wobbled, but I had to know. “I–I killed someone outside of a challenge. That’s punishable by death.”

Matt tensed. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

13:38 Tue, Sep 16 N

Chapter 33

I frowned. “Matt-”

“Xander won’t let anything happen to you.”

I blinked at him, startled. “What?”

Matt gave me a small smile. “He has it under control. You don’t need to be afraid.”

I didn’t know what to say.

I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Xander was protecting me, despite everything.

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Matt hesitated before adding, “Varra isn’t going to punish you, either. She ruled that it wasn’t you–it was your wolf. Since Zerina is contained again, they’re treating it like an accident.”

An accident.

I almost laughed at how ridiculous that was.

But then Matt sighed, running a hand through his hair. “There’s one more thing.”

I tensed. “What?”

His jaw ticked. “Because your wolf is now considered dangerous, Varra has made it mandatory that you take your medicine daily. Until further precautions can be met.”

I stilled.

Mandatory.

Not that I ever had a choice. If it wasn’t my dad, it was my impending death that forced me to take the wretched poison. But now it felt too… official. Now it was real.

I barely noticed Matt watching me carefully.

“Does that mean…” I swallowed. “You’re back on medicine duty?”

“Yeah,” he said, as a small, almost teasing smile tugged at his lips.

But I didn’t feel relief as I would have days ago or even this morning. I had missed Matt dearly and I hated the medicine that guy always brought. I would’ve given anything to have Matt on medicine duty again.

Yet, all I felt was terror.

My stomach twisted, my breath shallowing.

wolf kills you too?” I whispered.

“What if

my

Matt’s smile faded.

“She won’t.”

13:38 Tue, Sep 16 N

Chapter 33

“But she-”

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“Rory.” He reached for my hands, holding them firmly in his. “I’m not afraid of you. I never will be.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

I thought back to what had happened–how Zerina had taken over, how she had been able to force herself

out.

But how?

I’d been taking my medicine every day.

Except…

My stomach dropped as I realized what had changed.

I hadn’t finished the whole thing. I had taken less than the full dose. That was why Zerina could have come to me in a dream. That was why she could have forced a shift. She was supressed but not fully.

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