Alpha Xander's Undoing Chasing my Unknown Mate Back novel Chapter 48

Chapter 48

*Rory*

The first thing I felt was pain.

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Not sharp, not immediate. Deeper than that. It was the ache that lives in the marrow. In the soul. The kind of pain that doesn’t scream, but hums–low and constant–like the aftershock of something that should have killed me but didn’t.

I blinked. Once. Twice.

A ceiling came into view–wooden, cracked in the corner, sloping downward like we were somewhere tucked into a roof. I lay beneath a thick blanket, the fabric scratchy and unfamiliar. The scent of ash lingered in the air, not from a fireplace–but something older, more primal. It clung to my skin, my hair, the space between my ribs.

I sat up too fast. The world spun.

“Rory.” His voice–low, steady–was there before my name even settled in my ears.

Xander was beside the cot in two steps, crouching low, a hand outstretched like he wasn’t sure if I’d let him touch me.

“Easy,” he said. “You’re safe.”

Safe.

I almost laughed. What a joke.

I looked down at my hands. They were bandaged. Raw in places. Smudged with soot.

“Where are we?” I croaked.

“A hunter’s outpost,” he said. “Abandoned, I think. East of the estate. We ran for nearly an hour last night before I found it.”

Last night.

The memories rushed forward like teeth snapping shut.

The summit. The ballroom. The drugging.

The scream that wasn’t mine.

Then-

Flashes.

Fire.

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Chapter 48

Blood.

…

The scream that was mine.

“I shifted,” I whispered, touching my throat. “I…”

:

“You did,” he said, his voice too calm to be true. “Zerina did.”

I looked at him. Really looked.

His eyes were tired. Red–rimmed. Shadowed.

But it wasn’t exhaustion that unsettled me. It was the way he looked at me like I might break.

Or worse–like he might.

“Did I-?” I couldn’t even finish the question. I wasn’t sure what I was asking.

Did I kill someone?

Did I burn something?

Did I look like her?

“You protected yourself,” he said, too quickly.

Which wasn’t an answer. Not really.

I looked away.

The air between us shifted. Grew heavier.

I tried to swing my legs over the side of the bed. He reached to stop me, but I shook him off.

“I need to move.”

“Rory-”

“I said I’m fine.” My voice cracked, and we both heard it,

I stood anyway.

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The wood floor was cold against my bare feet. My knees wobbled. He hovered beside me like he was waiting to catch me again.

I hated that I wanted him to.

I took two steps. Three. Then stopped near the window, leaning on the sill to steady my breath.

Outside, dawn was beginning to rise, pale pink and orange through the treetops. Smoke still lingered in the distance. Whatever Zerina had done hadn’t fully dissipated.

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Chapter 48

Neither had the screams.

:

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I clenched my jaw. “I don’t remember everything. Just… flashes. I remember the fire. I remember someone running. And I remember the sound. That man. I think he screamed once.”

Xander didn’t say anything.

I turned to face him. “Was it me? Or was it her?”

His expression didn’t change, but I saw the flicker of pain behind his eyes. He didn’t have to answer.

I already knew.

It wasn’t just Zerina anymore.

She’d used my body. My voice. My instincts.

I walked across the field of ash like it belonged to me.

And maybe it did.

“I killed someone,” I said hollowly.

“He was going to kill you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

He came toward me slowly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was me.”

“It wasn’t-”

“I felt it,” I snapped. “I felt his blood, Xander. On my hands. I woke up with it on my chest. I saw the burn marks in the grass. I saw your face. Don’t lie to me.”

He stopped inches away, his jaw tight, hands balled into fists like he didn’t know whether to hold me or hit something.

“I’m not lying to you,” he said, low and raw. “I just-”

“Just what?” I demanded. “Don’t want to admit that your mate might be a monster? That she might be one of them?”

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to admit I couldn’t stop it.”

My breath caught.

“I stood there,” he continued, voice shaking now. “I watched you shift. I watched you kill. And I didn’t stop you.”

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Chapter 48

“Because you couldn’t,” I whispered.

“Because I didn’t want to.”

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Silence thundered between us.

Xander turned away, raking a hand through his hair. “I’ve been terrified of what’s inside you, Rory. Of what it might mean. Of what it might cost. But last night, when I saw you fall, when I saw those men coming–every part of me begged to let her out. To let Zerina do what I couldn’t.”

“You wanted her to kill them.”

“I wanted you to live.”

I didn’t know what to say.

Because I understood him. And hated myself for it.

I sat back down slowly, curling my knees to my chest.

“I don’t feel proud,” I whispered. “I don’t feel powerful. I feel… hollow.”

He knelt before me, one hand braced on the floor. “Then let me help you carry it.”

I looked at him, eyes stinging. “Even if it breaks you?”

“Even if it breaks me.”

***

An hour passed before Dhara found us.

She burst into the cabin without warning, panting, cheeks flushed with wind and worry.

“Oh good,” she said, collapsing onto a stool. “You’re not dead.”

“Nice to see you too,” I muttered, pulling the blanket tighter around me,

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