Alpha's Remorse After Her Death (Amber and Julian) novel Chapter 189

Chapter 189

Julian’s POV

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I didn’t fight with Rafael for Amber’s sake, but even after leaving the clinic, his words stuck with me. What had he meant by the things he had said? He was going to help Amber pick out a new Alpha? Did he already have one in mind, or was it just me personally that he found lacking, not good enough for his

sister?

What had he said about me?

Too controlling.

No. That wasn’t an accurate depiction of me, at least… not mostly. And while I had been a grade–A

asshole in the past, always keeping Amber in the dark, not telling anyone who would listen that she was

my mate and I loved her, I had changed since then.

Hopefully Amber knew that too.

But what if she didn’t.

For that reason, on the way back to the hotel, I said to Amber, “Why don’t we get a babysitter for tonight?

You and me, we can go out to a restaurant and talk things out, just the two of us.”

“I don’t know…”

She remained on the fence, so I didn’t push, at least not until later, when I asked if she wanted to go out

again, this time in front of Alice.

Alice drew in a sharp breath. “Mommy! You have to!”

With Alice’s influence probably more than my own, Amber agreed and after hiring that babysitter, we

went out for dinner together.

I picked one of the nicer restaurants in town, one that had decent food and fine service but didn’t require fancy dress. The concierge at the hotel recommended the place. It seemed pleasant, the lights low and the atmosphere warm and intimate.

Amber and I were given a table in the middle of the restaurant, but because the sides of our booth were so tall, we truly felt like we were somewhere smaller, able speaking privately.

Amber, even in a button–up blouse and jeans, her hair down, tangled slightly from work, with her makeup quickly refreshed, was so beautiful. I couldn’t stop staring at her across the table.

I’d like to look at her every day for the rest of my life.

Yet I had no idea how to say that out loud. It wouldn’t be welcomed, that much I knew, even after everything we’d been through together.

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Chapter 189

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She needed more time to see how genuine I was, how much I wanted her.

That was the purpose of this. To show her I was more than just big moments in times of stress. I could be

there for her in the small moments too.

That meant putting in the effort. In dates. In compliments. In the moments and spaces in between. A

touch of the hand. A smile.

I needed to give this a hundred and ten percent effort.

I was an Alpha, and as such, I handled stressful situations all the time, but this… This might be the most pressure I’d ever felt before.

Because this was about my mate. And it involved my future happiness for the rest of my life.

Amber’s POV

I couldn’t keep falling for Julian. I couldn’t! I had to keep my aching and yearning heart firmly behind the walls I’d build up so that I wouldn’t fall even further into him.

Yet, try as hard as I might, it was no use.

I knew I was in love with Julian.

And looking at him now, across the table in this warm and cozy restaurant, I couldn’t stop myself from falling under his spell once more.

“Have you looked at the menu yet? I’ve heard the seafood here is good,” Julian said.

No, I hadn’t had time to look at the menu, because I had been too busy staring into his eyes. “How did you

hear about this place?”

“I asked the concierge at the hotel. She had a few suggestions, but I remembered you liked salmon.”

“I do.”

“They’ve got the best salmon in town here, presumably. I think it’s worth trying out.”

“Alright.” But then I frown a little.

“What is it?”

“What if I don’t like it?” I could be pretty picky, especially with my seafood.

“Then, I’ll order something else, something safer, and if you don’t like the salmon, we’ll switch.”

“But didn’t you want the salmon too?”

“It’s okay,” he said.

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I looked at him, taking in this small subtle moment of his selflessness, his putting my comfort above his own. It was such a small moment. Maybe it didn’t mean anything. Yet what he was offering felt like so

much more.

This wasn’t something he would have done back when we were first married.

Even after I agreed, I still didn’t believe he would go through with it until he actually said his order to the waitress. Chicken. Even though he said the seafood was the best.

And he did that for me.

We passed off the menus and the waitress left. I lowered my chin to my chest, feeling a bit of happiness pulse through me.

“You know,” he says. “Every day could be like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is how I want to treat you, Amber. Not just dinners out but at home too. I want us to be comfortable with each other, making trades to keep each other happy. I’d eat all the chicken in the world if it means I get to see you smile.”

It was tempting. But the tradeoff would be… what? Occasional fighting in front of Alice? His jealousy if I got to close to another man. The fact that my maybe brother would hate his guts?

“I don’t know, Julian,” I told him. “Things are so messy between us. I just don’t know how it could work

out.”

“Then let me show you,” Julian said. “We don’t have to have everything worked out all at once. Just give me the chance, and I’ll show you, over time, how things could be, how they could work. Give me the time to rebuild your trust and show you what a life with me could really be like, now that I’m not a selfish ass

anymore.”

His vulgarity startled a laugh out of me.

“I was, too,” he said. “You don’t have to agree. We both know it was true.”

“I didn’t say anything,” I told him.

“You don’t have to. I already know how I was. I think I knew then too, but I was powerless to stop it. But when you left and that plane…” He swallowed hard, looking down. “When I thought I lost you…. Everything changed for me, Amber. And it’s been changing every day since. I want to be the kind of man that you and Alice deserve, but I need you to give me a chance.”

“Julian…” My heart melted for him, and I opened my mouth to reply, maybe even to agree.

But at that same moment, a pair of gentleman came closer to our table.

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I recognized them but didn’t believe what I was seeing right away.

Rafael wasn’t a surprise. This was his pack, and this was a popular restaurant, it made sense to run into

him. The other man though…

“Roman?”

Roman grinned as he came over to our table, almost like he had been looking for me. “Amber. It’s been a

while. Hello.”

Julian frowned, and he wasn’t the only one.

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