Chapter 46
“You need proper rest,” I told him.
He sat back against the headboard, eyes tired. “I sleep better when you’re near,” he said. “You don’t have to-
but stay?”
I hesitated in the doorway. Then nodded.
He was already in bed by the time I curled in beside him, pulling the blanket up to my shoulder. I lay as close to the edge as I could manage without falling off, trying to ignore how loud the quiet felt.
But the room was heavy with something else-something alive. The space between us pulsed. I could feel him breathing. I could feel myself breathing, too fast, too shallow, my senses tracking every subtle shift in the mattress, every shared inhale.
My eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling, but my mind was racing. He was close enough that the heat from his skin bled into mine. I remembered the press of his mouth against mine like it had just happened-how firm and desperate it had been. I thought about the moment it had stopped. About what might’ve happened if it hadn’t.
His sheets smelled like cedar and something darker-like spice, like stormclouds, like the memory of wanting something I shouldn’t. I could feel the restraint coiled in my limbs, the awareness of every place our bodies didn’t touch. I wanted to lean back. Just a little. I wanted to feel what would happen if I didn’t hold back
anymore.
But I didn’t move, and neither did he.
We didn’t speak. Just breathed. And that silence was louder than anything I could have said.
In the early morning hours, I stirred-restless, unsure. The blanket had shifted, and the cool air raised goosebumps along my arms. I was about to roll away when I felt it: his arm sliding around my waist, slow and
deliberate.
He pulled me gently back against him, no hesitation, no second-guessing-like it was the most natural thing in the world. His hand found a place low on my stomach, fingers splayed like he’d done it before, like he knew
exactly where to rest them to short-circuit my brain.
It wasn’t inappropriate. But it was intimate. Too intimate. The kind of touch that made my pulse skip, that made my breath catch before it even left my lips.
1/3
Chapter 46
TO BONUS
His chest was pressed to my back, solid and impossibly warm, and every steady exhale from him fanned across my neck, made me shiver despite the heat. I could feel every contour of his body, the faint scratch of stubble against my shoulder blade where my shirt had ridden up, the barest tightening of his arm as he adjusted his hold like he hadn’t meant to move but couldn’t help himself.
I lay there, frozen but hyperaware-of him, of me, of everything that wasn’t being said. The restraint in the room crackled like static. I wanted to lean into it. I wanted to ask him if this was comfort or confession. I wanted
to turn and see what was written on his face.
Instead, I stayed still. Let the moment stretch, too afraid to end it. Let the silence speak for us.
And somehow, it felt louder than any yes could’ve been.
I froze, heart pounding.
This wasn’t about sleep. Not entirely.
He didn’t move further, didn’t push. But the tension radiating between us was impossible to ignore. Every
nerve in me was lit up, painfully aware of how easily one shift-one word-could change everything.
And still, I didn’t move.
And I let him. Let the moment wrap around me like his arm. Let myself imagine, for just a second, what it might
feel like if he wasn’t holding back. If I turned toward him and saw all that heat in his eyes and let it finally spill
into something real.
His thumb moved slightly-barely-but it skimmed over the hem of my shirt, a whisper of contact that sent heat crawling up my spine. It wasn’t on purpose. Maybe. But it made my breath hitch, and I could feel the air
catch in his lungs too.
We were both awake. Pretending. Wanting. Not acting on it.
I didn’t dare look at him, but god, I wanted to.
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