Ex-Husband's Regret (by Evelyn M.M) novel Chapter 110

I honestly don’t know who is worse. Rowan for using me for sex while he thought about Emma or Ethan for playing me and still using me for sex while he planned on killing me.

She sighs. “I don’t want to come out as rude but I’m gonna hit you with the truth. If I knew that this was what you were thinking the whole time, then I would have put a stop to it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can’t keep looking for men to love you.” She sighs again. “How do I put this out without hurting you further…you went into a relationship with Ethan wanting someone to love you. You can’t build you whole expectation on someone else. You can’t think that a man loving you will fill the hole Rowan and you family dug”

I don’t get to say anything before she continues.

“You build this fantasy and I never saw it until now. You think when you find the man that will love you then everything will fall into place. The only person who can fill that hole in your heart is you. You alone can love yourself the way you want to be loved. You have to love yourself first and judging from the way I see things, you have never loved yourself.” She slumps against the back of the couch.

“You’re wrong” I glare at her feeling a bit attacked and defensive.

“Am I?”

I want to argue with her. Of course I love myself.

‘Are you sure’ an inner voice asks.

‘Yes’ I force out internally.

‘Then why did you desperately want Rowan to love you? Why did go looking for love after you divorced? Why did every sentence you said about moving on consist of finding someone to love you? You can’t expect someone else to give you the love you can’t give yourself, Ava’

I shake those thoughts away. There is no way they’re right. What Letty and my inner voice are saying is that I’m depending on others for love. That’s just not true.

“Ava?” Letty calls.

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