–
Okay. I’m torn half of me feels genuinely bad for Theo
because I know how much he likes this girl. The other half? Fully spiralling at the phrase ‘readily available dick pics‘.
Truly, you only hear some stuff once in a lifetime.
Me: And you know this because…?
Theo: We were taking group photos. I went to his gallery to pick the nice ones. The man had a whole album. Named.
Me: Jesus Christ. I’m sorry, Theo. You know, it’s not too late to move on…
Theo: You don’t want to know how impossible that is.
Me: Try me.
Theo: Are you sure? My thoughts aren’t completely pure.
Me: Come on, Theo.
No response.
I take my time finishing my makeup, smoothing down the curls I just spent twenty minutes forcing into my naturally straight hair. I got bored of it. Wanted something with more chaos to match. my evening.
I’ve barely booked the cab when my mother calls right on cue, ready to ruin my day.
“You say you have a boyfriend,” she begins, skipping hello entirely, “but it’s never wise to keep all your eggs in one basket. Not when it comes to marriage and my grandchildren.”
“Mama,” I sigh. “You seem a lot more invested in my wedding than I am.”
“Someone has to be! You’ll have breakfast with Dimitri in an hour at the hotel. And no buts. Either that, or you convince your so–called boyfriend to pop the question.”
Well, that’s… impossible.
After we hang up, I wonder for a second if I should’ve just told her the truth.

I learned how to stitch my own wounds because there wasn’t anyone else. Because one night, after I told my father to go fuck himself for asking for the last of my savings,; my mother goaded him into slamming my head into the TV.
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