Faux Vows, True Desires novel Chapter 486

After a long, painful silence, Nathan's voice came out hoarse with emotion. "Janice, I have to be honest with you. In my life, there's only ever been you. Past, present, and future... it's always been just you."

"Janice, I know I've been distant over the past twenty-some years, that I've let you down and you've suffered for it. That's on me. I failed to protect you and our kids."

Nathan explained his agony: "But I had to keep my distance to lessen the hurt coming your way. They mocked you, and that was better than them coming after your life. God knows, seeing you treated like that tore my heart out, like a knife twisting in my chest."

"I'm not making excuses for myself, Janice. I failed to protect my family, and that's on my weakness. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. But I can't go through with a divorce. I just hope that from time to time, I can come by and see you."

"Our Lucy is coming back to Skywatch with me in a couple of days. Will you come back with us? Can we be a family of four again, for real this time?"

As Nathan gently touched Janice's face, he spoke in a low, somber tone about his helplessness.

"If I'd known being the head of this household would bring you and the kids so much pain, I'd have never accepted it. But I can't escape where I come from. If I didn't take the position, they'd come after me just the same because anyone in power would see me as a threat. They wouldn't rest until they saw the end of our whole family."

So, he had no choice but to tough it out at the top. At least, this way, his family was alive, though they had to endure so much.

Pausing, Nathan admitted, "Janice, am I selfish? Am I weak?"

"The Porter was involved in all sorts of dirty dealings. I decided to play along, to gather evidence of his crimes. If something happens to me, go to our room, open the safe. You'll find the divorce papers I've prepared and signed."

"We'll divorce, you'll be free. Don't worry, before I go, I'll make sure Keith can take over the headship without any obstacles. The Blue family reforms are underway. The bad stuff, I'll take it all with me."

"After I'm gone, you can live with our son or daughter. I know they'll take good care of you."

"I'll gradually transfer my assets to you and the kids. Then the Blue family can't feed off the benefits we've provided while harming us at the same time."

"If... if you find a good man, remarry. Our kids can only be with you so much; they're young and busy with their careers, and they have their own families. If you remarry, you'll have someone."

He'd rather die than hold you back, but he still hoped you'd find someone else. His preparations were like a thousand cuts to his heart.

But he knew he and Janice were past the point of no return.

All he could do now was eliminate any danger to his family, his life a small price to pay for their safety and peace. If he died, he could rest easy.

Nathan was now fifty, having spent the first half of his life in hardship. He'd fought the family and external threats every step of the way, always on edge.

Now, with the kids grown and capable, with his son having support, he felt like he'd reached the end of his road. It was time to wrap things up.

Ideally, he'd make it out alive.

After a moment, seeing Nathan just lying there, taking it without complaint or response, Janice hesitated. Maybe he had hurt himself in the fall?

Concerned that he might be seriously injured and wondering how she'd explain it to their children, Janice stopped hitting him.

She prodded him with her foot, saying, "Nathan, get up. Stop playing injured on the floor. You didn't fall far enough to get hurt that bad."

"Listen up, bucko," she said with a voice that brooked no argument, "even if you've knocked yourself silly, I won't be going soft on you. Get up, come on, get up."

Nathan just gawked at her with those puppy-dog eyes.

Ever since Janice had her breakdown, the woman he saw was like a whirlwind, hardly recognizing him, her own husband.

And when she snapped back to reality, she treated him with such a frosty demeanor, it was as if he was less than a stranger to her.

How long had it been since he'd seen Janice brimming with that zest for life?

Oh, how he yearned for those days.