The Lost Pack (Paige) novel Chapter 20

Chapter 20

**Paige’s POV **

I stare at Ryder for a long moment, my chest tight and my heart beating way too loud in my ears.

Can they hear it with their superior hearing?

Everything he just said should terrify me. It should push me further into the little fortress I’ve built around my heart. I’ve spent almost seven years pretending I didn’t miss him, pretending I was fine, pretending I didn’t still ache every time I looked at Jaxon and saw his father in his smile.

But right now… It doesn’t feel terrifying. Not when he looks at me like this.

“Rye,” I whisper, his name slipping from my lips.

I lower my eyes to the half–eaten bowl in front of me, giving myself something safe to focus on.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to fall into this the way you seem to have. I don’t feel this mate bond like you do. I don’t trust it,” I admit.

“I’m not asking you to,” he says softly. “Just don’t run. Don’t shut me… us, out.”

That almost breaks something in me. Because I have been running. I’ve been running from the past, the pain, from everything he made me feel.

I look up at him again, really look. I don’t see the wolf, of the man who left me behind. I see Ryder. The boy who used to touch me like I was breakable. The boy who made me feel like the centre of his universe.

“Okay,” I nod. “I won’t run.”

Ryder’s breath catches and his whole posture changes as he relaxes, like a huge weight has just been lifted from his shoulders.

“I’m not promising anything more than to stay and listen, to learn,” I add, because he needs to know.

“That’s all I need,” he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

He reaches over the table again, covering my hand with his this time, and I look down at his big hand on mine. The small, slightly raised birthmark there, the one that my thumb would brush over when we held hands. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to have him touch me again.

I have this urge to go to him. To push up from my chair, nove around the island that separates us, then lean down and kiss him. To reunite our lips, our bodies.

Will his kiss melt me the way it used to?

Will his hands on my waist drive me wild with need for him?

His hand tightens on mine, and I look up at him. His eye are heated and intense. Was he thinking the same thing ! was?

“I’ve suddenly lost my appetite,” Remy huffs, his bowl attering onto the kitchen counter and I come back to my senses with a jolt, remembering we are not alone

“Rem…” Parker warns in a low, almost growl.

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Chapter 20

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I glance at Parker, and he stares at his brother, a frown on his face as if he’s talking to him without words. I’ve heard twins can do that, just have this way of knowing what each other is thinking. I look back at Ryder and Callen. Are they the same? Or does growing up apart change things?

I have so many questions for them, it’s hard to know where to start. I pull my hand out from under Ryder’s. I need to think, and I can’t, not when he touches me.

“Are twins more common for your kind?” I ask.

I know it’s probably the least important question I have but I think I need a break from the heavy stuff, at

least for now.

“Yes, multiples are more common for us than humans, Parker says.

“Why is that?”

“Because our females are part wolf, and wolves tend to have more than one pup,” Remy offers, but it feels more like a dig at me than him trying to be helpful.

I blink, trying not to react. I know what his problem is, and I’m not going to rise to his taunts. He’s subtle, but sharp, making it clear he sees me an as outsider that’s asking too many questions in a place I don’t belong.

“Right,” I murmur, keeping my eyes on my bowl as I nod. “Makes sense.”

The room goes silent, and I feel the tension rippling from the four men around me.

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“Whatever. I’m going to bed. Try not to screw each other in the hallway,” Remy huffs, stalking towards the

stairs.

“Remy!” Callen snaps, taking a step after him, but then stops, turning back to us with a sigh as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

A door slams upstairs, and I flinch. I hope he didn’t wake Jaxon.

“Sorry, he doesn’t like changes much,”

“It’s fine,” I lie.

says. “I’ll talk to him.”

“I’m going to crash soon, anyway. If you need anything you know where to find us.” Parker smiles and I

nod.

“Good night, Parker.”

“Good night, slightly shorter than average girl,” he teases, making the gesture for ‘little‘ I’d used earlier and getting a smile from me.

He’d given me a mini–tour earlier when I’d taken Jax up o bed, pointing out each of their rooms. Parker’s is

next to mine, which makes me feel a little more comfortable.

“I should probably go up too. I want to check on Jax,” ay, rising from my seat and grabbing my bowl.

“I’ll take that. It’s my turn to wash up,” Callen sighs, his fingers brushing mine as he takes the dish from

1. me.

The contact is brief, but it causes butterflies to flutter in my stomach.

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Chapter 20

“Thanks,” I breathe, trying to act like he doesn’t affect me.

Is this the mate bond that they spoke of? Is this how it feels?

+15 BONUS

“Good night, Paige. I’m sorry for how things played out today. I want you to know that if I had the chance, I’d do things differently. I hope, in time, you can forgive me,” he says before turning away from me.

“Good night, Callen,” I whisper.

Ryder stands from his chair as I move around the island “I’ll walk you to your room.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

I don’t argue as he follows me up the stairs. He is quiet and so close that I can feel his heat.

When we reach the door to my room, I pause with my hand on the handle. I can feel him behind me again. Heat rolling from him like a furnace. He doesn’t touch me, but I swear I feel the ghost of his fingers on my back.

Jaxon’s words from earlier ring in my head. He likes it here. He likes his daddy.

“Don’t hurt him, Rye,” I whisper without turning around. “He has lost enough already.‘

“I won’t, I’m here now. For both of you,” he says softly.

I turn slowly. The hallway is dim and quiet around us. We’re close now. So close.

>>

“I don’t know what I should feel,” I admit. “I want to hate you, to be angry, but when you look at me like that… I want to…” I trail off.

He lifts his hand slowly, giving me every chance to stop him. When I don’t, his fingers brush my jaw, his thumb skimming over my cheek, making my breath hitch.

“I want to kiss you,” he whispers. “I won’t ask for anything more. I just… I’ve missed you. So much.”

And god help me, I lean in first.

Our lips meet, and I feel like fireworks go off inside me. His lips are warm, his kiss tentative and far too familiar. Like this, it’s as if no time has passed at all.

He pulls back a little and rests his forehead against mine as my heart threatens to burst from my chest. ” Paige,” he breathes.

“Ryder,” I whisper, my throat clogging with emotion as all the old feelings for him wash over me.

It’s not the same intensity it once was, but it’s the start of something I’m still not sure that I’m ready tor.

“Sleep well,” he says, stepping back to leave.

“Wait,” I stop him. “I want you to see something.”

“What is it?”

“My favourite thing to look at.” I smile and turn to gently push the door open.

Chapter 20

+15 BONUS

Soft light spills into the room, casting a glow over the angelic little face of our sleeping son. I step aside, letting Ryder into the room and I hear his breath hitch.

“He’s perfect,” he breathes.

“He is,” I agree.

“I want to know everything about him, everything I missed. Your pregnancy, his birth, all of it. Will you tell me? Not now, but soon,” he asks.

A small, bitter part of me wants to say no, that he should have been there, but I can’t do that. Jaxon needs him, he wants him in his life, and if that means I have to give him every detail to make this easier for them both, then I will. And if I am being honest with myself, I want to tell him. I want to share all those precious memories with him.

“Yes. I’ll tell you everything.”

N.O Darling Author

Sorry there was no update yesterday, it was my son’s birthday and my new iPad broke so it’s been a nightmare trying to get all my files back and loaded back onto my old device… which has a battery life of about an hour and takes about six hours to charge….

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