Alpha Xander's Undoing Chasing my Unknown Mate Back novel Chapter 39

*Rory*

The cup sat in my hand like a loaded gun.

Cool. Small. Unassuming. And dangerous in ways even I couldn’t begin to understand.

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I turned it slowly between my fingers, watching the faint colour of green in today’s smoothie medicine. My heartbeat was louder. Slower. More deliberate.

Half a dose.

That’s all I needed. Not enough to fully suppress her. Just enough to keep her from tearing through me if things went wrong.

But wasn’t this already wrong?

The memory of that night still haunted me–the syringe, the burn of Z3, the way Zerina had surged up not to kill… but to protect. That moment hadn’t felt like a takeover. It had felt like… solidarity. A desperate cry from a part of me I’d been taught to fear. Suppress. Lock away.

But now?

Now I needed her.

I exhaled slowly, bracing my forearm against the edge of the sink in Xander’s bathroom, the cup already sitting neatly on the counter. I mean I had done it in the past, when Max was no longer responsible and I had to drink that awful thing. I had taken half a dose unknowingly. But it somehow felt different doing it on

purpose.

I stared at it for a long moment. Long enough for doubt to whisper in the back of my mind. But doubt had been screaming for years and where had it gotten me?

I picked up the cup and drank half of it, then poured the rest down the drain. I wasn’t brave enough to risk a full withdrawal from my medicine. But if I could only get to speak to her for a few minutes…

Nothing happened at first, just the usual silence. The slowing of my heartbeat. The hum of a side of me being silenced completely.

The half dose had done what it was made to do–suppress my wolf. But it wont stay for long.

So, I went back to Xander’s room, where he was still sleeping. He was out late last night, dealing with something back at home with the pack. He got in around three am and finally fell asleep at about four.

I shuffled beside him, and his arms wrapped around me almost on instinct.

I wanted to pull away, but I simply allowed myself to just… be. I hated to admit it, but it helped me fall asleep

faster, too.

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Chapter 39

Then-

Warmth.

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Like someone lighting a candle inside my chest, slow and deliberate. My body went a little loose at the edges, my vision growing soft, fuzzy.

And then I fell.

Not literally, but I felt it–that pull. That dizzying sense of gravity unraveling, like my soul was slipping through the cracks of reality.

When I opened my eyes, I was no longer in Xander’s room or in his arms.

The forest stretched around me–quiet, silver–lit, and impossibly still. The same forest from before. The same clearing where I’d first seen her.

Mist clung to the ground like breath. The trees stood tall, ancient and looming, casting shadows that seemed to flicker even without wind.

And there–at the edge of the clearing–stood the wolf.

Zerina.

She had her back to me, just like before, her silver–swirl coat glinting beneath an unseen moon. But she wasn’t blurry this time. She was sharp. Clear. Beautiful.

I stepped forward slowly, my throat tight.

“Zerina,” I whispered.

She turned.

Our eyes locked.

My breath caught at the sight of her. She was the same–white fur traced with shimmering gray patterns like runes etched by moonlight. But her eyes… her eyes were no longer full of fire and fury.

They were sad.

Still sharp. Still silver.

But sad.

“You came,” she said, the voice in my mind softer than I’d ever heard it. Like a sigh on wind. Like a memory returning home.

“I had to,” I said, stepping fully into the clearing. “I had to see you.”

Zerina’s head tilted, ears twitching. “You feared me.”

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Chapter 39

“I did.”

“And now?”

:

“I still do.” I paused. “But not in the way I used to.”

She circled me slowly, the tips of her paws stirring the mist. “Why now?”

“Because you saved me,” I said, the words heavier than I expected. “You saved us.”

She didn’t answer at first. Just stared at me.

“I didn’t do it for you,” she finally said.

I flinched. But then–she sighed.

“I did it because I didn’t want to die.”

“That’s fair,” I whispered. “But it didn’t feel like that. It felt like you were protecting me.”

Zerina was quiet.

“You didn’t want me dead?” I asked, my voice trembling despite myself.

“No,” she said. “I never did.”

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A lump formed in my throat. “Then why were you so angry? Why did you tried to kill me? Why… all of this?”

She stopped pacing. Sat on her haunches, tail curling around her legs.

“Because I was born with freedom,” she said. “And the moment I woke inside you, you gave me chains.”

I looked down.

“You fed me poison. You silenced me. You believed every lie about what I was before you ever asked me what I am.”

I dropped to my knees, my hands digging into the cool moss. “I’m sorry.”

She stared at me, unmoving.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” I continued. “My dad told me I’d die if I let you in.”

Zerina let out a soft huff, almost like a laugh, but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“And now?”

“I want to understand you,” I said. “I want to…. try. I don’t know how, but I want to.”

She stood again, padding toward me.

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Chapter 39

“You may be too late,” she said softly. “They already know what you are. And so does he.”

My heart skipped. “Who?”

“Our mate.”

The words sliced through me.

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She looked down, looking almost sad. “My anger faded when I saw that… our mate feared me too. There is no greater pain than rejection.”

“He hasn’t rejected us,” I said, but she simply made a huffing sound again.

“He wishes he could reject me, and keep you.”

“His wolf doesn’t feel that way.” I was sure of it. Of course Xander may fear her because Xander thinks she wants to kill me. But Azrien doesn’t feel that way. I’m sure of it.

“What does he mean they know what I am? He knows?”

Zerina stopped inches away, her breath warm as she leaned her head close. “He saw me. When I nearly shifted. He saw what I’m capable of. And it frightened him.”

“That’s not “I began, but the memory hit me.

Xander. That moment in the hallway. The sheer terror on his face—not for me, but of me.

Zerina stepped back. “You saw it. You felt it.”

I swallowed thickly. “Why?”

She looked away.

And for the first time, she looked… ashamed.

“Because I am not what they think I am,” she said. “And neither are you.”

“What does that mean?”

She didn’t answer. Not right away.

Instead, she lifted her head, her eyes glowing brighter now. “Your sister… she knew.”

“Eden?” My voice cracked. “What do you mean she knew?”

Zerina stepped forward again. Her nose brushed against my forehead.

The world blurred.

And then there was a flash of something else. A memory. It was distant and clouded, but sharp enough to slice through the fog.

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