Alpha Xander's Undoing Chasing my Unknown Mate Back novel Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

*Rory*

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I found him in the training field.

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The light was dying, melting into twilight as I crossed the courtyard. The soft hum of the academy behind me faded with every step I took toward the torchlit perimeter of the field, where shadows danced in jagged lines and sweat gleamed across muscle. Xander was a silhouette of controlled rage, his body a blur of motion as he struck the training dummy again and again. He moved like he was trying to break something inside himself, like if he hit hard enough, he could silence whatever was clawing at him from within.

Or maybe I was giving him too much credit.

Maybe he was just trying not to think about me.

I hovered at the edge of the field for a while, letting the silence wrap around me like armor. When he finally noticed me, his movements stopped mid–strike. He didn’t speak. Didn’t move. Just stood there, the firelight catching the shadows in his eyes.

“We need to talk,” I said quietly.

His jaw worked, but he nodded. “Yeah. We do.”

I walked onto the field and closed the space between us. It wasn’t easy. Every step felt like I was dragging myself through barbed wire, like the distance between us was made of every hurt, every silence, every unanswered question. But I did it anyway. Because I couldn’t keep holding my breath around him. Not

anymore.

“What did you see that night?” I asked. “When Zerina almost took over. What scared you so badly?”

His expression didn’t change at first. But I saw it–the flicker of unease, the small shift in the way his hands. clenched at his sides. He looked away, jaw tightening like he was grinding the words behind his teeth.

“Don’t shut me out again,” I added, my voice more forceful. “I need to know.”

He inhaled slowly, the sound rough. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then help me understand!” I snapped. “Because I’m done with people thinking they’re protecting me when all they’re doing is making me feel like a fucking lab rat!”

His gaze snapped back to mine, his expression dark. But underneath the anger was something else. Something shaken.

“When your eyes changed that night,” he said slowly, “I saw something I’ve never seen before. Not in any wolf. Not even in the gifted ones.”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

“There was… something else in you, Rory. Something ancient. Primal. It wasn’t just Zerina I felt. It was like there was another layer–something deeper and darker and… wrong. And I hate that I even have to say that.”

13:41 Tue, Sep 16 N

Chapter 40

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“Wrong?” My voice cracked. “You think I’m wrong?”

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“No,” he said quickly. “I don’t know what I think. But it scared me. And not much does.”

I stepped back, trying to keep the pieces of myself from falling apart. “You were scared of me.”

He didn’t deny it.

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“That’s why you pushed me away. That’s why you stayed distant–even after you knew I didn’t kill Eden. Even after you knew we were mates. You looked at me and saw something dangerous.”

He looked wrecked. Like I’d ripped the breath right from his lungs.

“I never wanted to be afraid of you,” he said. “But I didn’t know what else to feel.”

I shook my head. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to be scared and then still expect me to let you mark me. Still expect me to trust you.”

“I didn’t expect any of that,” he said, stepping forward. “I just wanted you to be safe. And I knew if I got close, it would only get worse for you.”

I laughed bitterly. “So you thought letting me believe I was worthless was better?”

“I thought… if I stayed away, you’d have a chance at something normal. Something better than me.”

I stared at him, stunned.

“You thought you were protecting me by pretending you didn’t care?”

He nodded slowly, shame dragging across every inch of his face.

“You idiot,” I whispered. “You absolute fucking idiot.”

He stepped even closer, hands twitching like he wanted to reach for me but didn’t know if he had the right.

“I wake up every day thinking about you,” he said softly. “Wondering if you’re safe. Worrying that I failed you. When I saw you collapsing in that hallway, I felt like the floor had been ripped out from under me. And when they said you might not make it…”

His voice broke.

“I wanted to kill whoever made the drug. Whoever gave it to them. I wanted to set the entire academy on fire and let the flames take me too.”

My chest tightened. My breath caught.

He brushed a strand of hair from my face, his fingers trembling.

“I care about you, Rory. More than I’ve ever cared about anything. But I don’t know how to protect you without breaking you.”

13:41 Tue, Sep 16 N

Chapter 40

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I closed my eyes, trying to steady the chaos inside me, the way his words had burrowed under my skin, unraveling every defense I’d built. I felt the heat of his breath, the faint tremble in it. And then… his forehead pressed against mine.

The world stopped spinning.

Just for a second, I let myself sink into the stillness. Into him.

His presence was overwhelming–his scent, his warmth, the way his energy wrapped around me like it always had, no matter how much space we put between us. My heart pounded in rhythm with his, our breaths mingling, shaky and uneven.

I felt his nose brush lightly against mine.

The edge of his lips hovered near my mouth–so close I could feel the tension radiating off him, could taste the words he wasn’t saying. His hand lifted like he was going to cup my jaw, maybe thread into my hair, maybe pull me into him like he’d done that night in his bed.

And I almost let him.

Gosh, I almost let him.

Because in that moment, it would’ve been so easy. So easy to forget the lies. The omissions. The silences. To drown in the way he looked at me, like I was the only thing that could quiet the storm inside him.

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