Justice For Juniper novel Chapter 30

Therapy – Part II

“Was it her kink? To be treated poorly? Did Phineas say?”

She looked up in shock, “I don’t know. Phineas said he only ever was with her sexually once and she lay there and did nothing.”

“Maybe they were both playing out fantasies. However, Adil is the private investigator?”

“Yes.”

“I would say trust his judgement. If he is of the opinion, after years of watching people behave inappropriately that Kyst’s behavior was highly unusual, then being self-aware and protecting yourself is not a bad idea.”

“When will the other feelings stop?” she asked quietly.

“Which other feelings?”

“The ones where I want to go home and cry into his Kyst’s arms because he’s always been the person I rely on? I can’t rely on him anymore. He’s been one of my best friends my entire life and now, more than our romantic relationship, I’m missing the friendship. When does that pain stop?”

“I don’t have an answer for this,” the therapist spoke gently. “Everyone heals at their own rate with different factors weighing

in.”

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“I hate him,” she repeated her earlier thoughts. “How can I love him and hate him at the same time?”

“Being human is a complex situation and nothing is black and white.”

“I keep thinking of him in the apartment where he ruined our lives being stuck to clean up the mess I made and the best friend in me wants to go help him.”

“And the other part?”

“The other part wants to sit him down while I rattle off a bunch of questions at him.”

“What if you do both and neither?”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you journal?”

“No. I’ve never felt a reason to journal before. I’m typically a calm person and I’ve loved my life and was incredibly happy.”

“Were you?”

The bold question made her blink. “Yes.”

“What is your favorite, happy memory from the last six

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months?”

“My birthday. We took the day off and stayed home together and then he surprised me with a get together with my mom and his parents and my best friend Suki. I hadn’t seen her in a few weeks. She travels a lot for work. It was good to see her.”

“What about the last year?”

She needed to think hard on it and then shrugged, “I don’t feel big momentous joyous outbursts of happiness. I live a steady, calm, happy life. I feel happy in the little things. I like being home with my partner while he cooks dinner and I make us sundaes for dessert. I like lazy rainy mornings on the weekend where we snuggle and talk about all the things we would do if it wasn’t raining though we both know we wouldn’t do them. I like my job and the people I work with. I like coming home after a day of work to be held and told I’m loved and made to feel loved. I’m blessed with an incredible mom. My best friend is the best. Until this week, I’d have argued to death over having the kindest, most loving husband on earth.”

The therapist frowned and nodded, “One other question for you before we end for the day.”

“Sure.”

“Did you want children or did Kyst?”

“We both did. He wanted it more than me, it’s for sure. I always

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dreamed of us being a family, but he had names picked out and their lives mapped. He’s a lawyer and he likes law and order and making spreadsheets and lists. Life was orderly and I followed along with his order.”

“You’re being assigned homework before our next session next week,” the therapist said. “There are three things I want you to do. First. I want you to write a letter to Kyst. I want you to ask all the questions you want to ask. I want you to sit with the letter for two days. Read it over. Make changes. Rewrite it. Then on the third day, I want you to answer the questions you have with the only answers you would find acceptable.”

“Why?”

“If you find there are ways to answer your question which is going to make you feel better, be acceptable to your heart and psyche, then I want you to draft a final copy and send it to Kyst, preferably through your lawyer.”

“And if I don’t?”

“If you don’t, burn the letter and know what he did, there isn’t an excuse in the world to make it feel better. There are couples who can get through an affair. It’s not to say they have stronger or weaker marriages than yours. They are couples with different people who hold different values, weight and opinion on specific matters. At the end of the day, what you need to hear from Kyst will determine whether you will ever be able to forgive him. If you know though, by looking through the responses, they are

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