The Broken-hearted She And The Icy He (Lily and John) novel Chapter 200

Chapter 200 The Weight of Shame

He was still drowning in a tide of self–loathing.

He despised fickle, indecisive people.

And he despised himself even more for becoming one of them.

But the cruel reality was–tonight, he had completely lost control of his body.

He tried, with great difficulty, to pull away. But as her kiss deepened, he found himself overtaking her, almost devouring her breath entirely.

“Mm…”

James‘ kiss was too fierce.

Lily, who had been completely absorbed in her romantic dream, found herself unable to breathe. The suffocating sensation abruptly pulled her back to consciousness.

She blinked her sleepy eyes open–and was met with a pair of red–tinted, misty eyes.

And right after that–James‘ face, inches from her own.

They were clearly kissing.

And her hand was still…

Realizing what she’d just done, Lily nearly fainted from shock.

In her mind, James absolutely hated her. He especially couldn’t stand physical contact, let alone intimacy. There was no way he would ever want to get close to her.

She had dreamed of her parents tonight…

And she vaguely remembered the last time she’d dreamt of her mom–James had come to check on her when she cried in her sleep, and she’d clung to him like a lunatic, calling him “Mom” while ranting about him being flat–chested…

She couldn’t remember exactly what she’d done this time.

But judging from the current situation–she had probably kissed him. Maybe even worse.

That dream… she had dreamed of him holding her, and she’d gotten mad that he wasn’t holding her properly, so she’d grabbed him and kissed him.

That wasn’t just a dream–it had clearly happened in real life.

She definitely kissed him.

If she hadn’t, then given how much he loathed her, there was no way their lips would be touching right

now.

She… she was usually pretty restrained when awake. Why did her damn mouth always do these outrageous, shameless things while she was asleep?

Lily jolted with a full–body shiver and yanked back her right hand like it was on fire.

When she realized her left arm was still wrapped around his waist, she quickly pulled that back too and scooted to the edge of the bed, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Just moments ago, when she’d been in his arms, when he kissed her so hungrily, James had felt like his entire body was being roasted alive.

The heat had burned away all reason.

Now that she was gone from his arms- -now that she was sitting away from him–he felt an emptiness, not just in his chest, but in his whole being.

But that space, that cooling void, also brought his rationality slowly back.

And with it came the crushing realization: he had kissed her. He had pulled at her clothes.

He had almost gone too far.

He had betrayed Leila.

His grandfather had been right–he wasn’t worthy of being called human. He was a beast.

He shut his eyes, the pain so fierce it made him want to tear himself apart.

“James…”

Even though his eyes were closed, Lily had caught the flash of pain and revulsion in his gaze just moments

ago.

She had no idea what inner turmoil he was facing. Naturally, she assumed it was because she— emboldened by her dream–had crossed the line and done something unforgivable to him.

She felt humiliated. Mortified. She had no idea how to explain it in a way that would make it better.

But she knew one thing–she had to apologize.

She lowered her head like a schoolgirl waiting to be scolded by the principal, her voice soft and guilty. “I’m sorry. Did I cry again? Did you hear me and come check on me, and then I just–crossed the line and did a bunch of terrible things? I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

James‘ eyes grew darker, his pain and self–hatred intensifying.

Yes, he had come because she was crying.

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