The Varkas Brothers And Their Princess novel Chapter 125

Chapter 125

Chapter 125

I stared up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly, the blanket drawn up to my chin, the air conditioner off, but I still felt cold. It wasn’t a physical cold. It was the kind of cold that was deep–rooted, that has lodged itself deep inside my soul.

What was I doing? What was wrong with me? What was this feeling in my chest? Why did everything with Kade feel so… overwhelming? Why did it feel so intense?

For the past five or so years, I’ve felt… shallow, like I had this hole in me that just wouldn’t be filled no matter what I poured into it. It just kept taking, and taking, and taking, leaving me with nothing, leaving me empty and wanting more.

I think that was what drew me to Kade when I first met him, when I saw that empty look in his eyes. Because I understood. Fuck, I understood so well, that I wish I didn’t.

Because I feel that way too. I tried to cover it with sex and alcohol. My therapist said that it was self–destruct and that was the first time I agreed with that woman.

But what was I to do? Was I just supposed to accept this emptiness and coexist with it? What kind of life was that? Torture. That was what it was.

“I don’t want to leave like that,” I whispered, turning so I was lying on my side, burying my face into the pillow, my tears wetting it. “I miss you. I know it was my fault, but why did you leave me like that? Why didn’t you take me with you? And now I’m left feeling empty. I miss you so much.”

It’s been years, but the wound was still fresh.

Whoever said time healed wounds should be slapped across the face because that bastard was spitting bullshit, probably for clout.

Time didn’t heal shit. It just made you feel empty and bitter as it passed.

My eyes grew heavy, and slowly, I closed them, drifting into a deep sleep.

***

“Belladonna. My love.”

My hand reached out, cupping his face. I couldn’t see him. Why couldn’t I see his face? Why? Why? Why?

“Belladonna.”

I was holding his face but I wasn’t feeling his skin. I wasn’t feeling his soft skin beneath my palm. Why? Why? Why?

“Belladonna, how could you?”

I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see his bright face. I was ashamed to admit that I was forgetting his face when barely any time had passed.

13:01 Wed, Sep 24

Chapter 125

“Belladonna, how could you?!”

Why?! Why?! Why?!

“How could you let another man touch you when I’m this way? When you’re the reason I’m here?”

“No. How am I the reason? You said you loved me! You said you were ready for the sacrifices!”

“Yes, but I didn’t know that sacrifice would be my life. You’re selfish, Belladonna.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re greedy and self–centered!”

“Shut up. Shut up, I’m not!”

“You made me this way!”

“I did nothing!”

“You killed me! And that will be his fate too! Because you’re poison, Belladonna. Just like your name. Maybe that’s why your parents named you that way, because they knew what you would become.”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

The scene changed, and suddenly I was staring at lifeless mismatched eyes that were red with blood.

“No!” I screamed as I jolted awake, my heart racing, my body soaked with sweat.

I threw the blanket off me, jumping off the bed, my heart beating so fast, I was scared that it might stop, tears streaming down my face.

I threw my door open, running out of my room. I tripped, using my hands to break the fall, but I was immediately on my feet and running again, barely feeling the sting in my hands.

I ran straight to his room, panting, barely seeing anything.

His room. I just had to get there. That was all that mattered.

I opened his door, and even though he was sleeping, he was immediately on his feet, his body tensed. He relaxed when he saw me, his expression turning confused and worried when he saw the state I was in.

“Belladonna?”

I stood by his door, breathing heavily, standing still. This was real. This was real, and he was here. This wasn’t a nightmare. He was really here.

He climbed off the bed, walking to me with slow, careful steps, approaching me like I was a spooked animal. Maybe I was. I knew I looked like one right now.

“Belladonna, what’s wrong? Come on, talk to me.”

13:01 Wed, Sep 24

Chapter 125

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When he got close to me, I launched myself into his arms, my tears flowing even harder, without restraint.

“Kade!” I cried, my arms tight around his middle. “You’re here! You’re alive. You’re breathing. There’s life in your eyes.”

“Why wouldn’t I be alive?” he asked softly, cradling my head like I was fragile, stroking my hair. “Why wouldn’t I still be breathing?”

“You’re here,” I kept repeating, my body shaking, my head aching but I couldn’t stop crying. “You’re here.”

“I’m here, Belladonna.”

I pressed my chest harder into his bare skin, my arms tightening around him to the point that I knew it was going to be hard for him to breathe. But I didn’t release my hold on him.

It was just a nightmare. It wasn’t real. I was holding him. He was right here.

“Tell me I’m not poisonous,” I begged, pleaded. I just needed something even though I didn’t know what it was. “Tell me I don’t suck the life from others.”

“Why the fuck would you even think that?” he asked, almost shouting, sounding… angry.

“Just tell me. Please, Kade.”

He was silent for a while, still stroking my hair.

Then, “You’re not poisonous, Belladonna. When I first heard your name, I

Chapter 125

Chapter 125

I stared up at the ceiling, blinking repeatedly, the blanket drawn up to my chin, the air conditioner off, but I still felt cold. It wasn’t a physical cold. It was the kind of cold that was deep–rooted, that has lodged itself deep inside my soul.

What was I doing? What was wrong with me? What was this feeling in my chest? Why did everything with Kade feel so… overwhelming? Why did it feel so intense?

For the past five or so years, I’ve felt… shallow, like I had this hole in me that just wouldn’t be filled no matter what I poured into it. It just kept taking, and taking, and taking, leaving me with nothing, leaving me empty and wanting more.

I think that was what drew me to Kade when I first met him, when I saw that empty look in his eyes. Because I understood. Fuck, I understood so well, that I wish I didn’t.

Because I feel that way too. I tried to cover it with sex and alcohol. My therapist said that it was self–destruct and that was the first time I agreed with that woman.

But what was I to do? Was I just supposed to accept this emptiness and coexist with it? What kind of life was that? Torture. That was what it was.

“I don’t want to leave like that,” I whispered, turning so I was lying on my side, burying my face into the pillow, my tears wetting it. “I miss you. I know it was my fault, but why did you leave me like that? Why didn’t you take me with you? And now I’m left feeling empty. I miss you so much.”

It’s been years, but the wound was still fresh.

Whoever said time healed wounds should be slapped across the face because that bastard was spitting bullshit, probably for clout.

Time didn’t heal shit. It just made you feel empty and bitter as it passed.

My eyes grew heavy, and slowly, I closed them, drifting into a deep sleep.

***

“Belladonna. My love.”

My hand reached out, cupping his face. I couldn’t see him. Why couldn’t I see his face? Why? Why? Why?

“Belladonna.”

I was holding his face but I wasn’t feeling his skin. I wasn’t feeling his soft skin beneath my palm. Why? Why? Why?

“Belladonna, how could you?”

I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see his bright face. I was ashamed to admit that I was forgetting his face when barely any time had passed.

13:01 Wed, Sep 24

Chapter 125

“Belladonna, how could you?!”

Why?! Why?! Why?!

“How could you let another man touch you when I’m this way? When you’re the reason I’m here?”

“No. How am I the reason? You said you loved me! You said you were ready for the sacrifices!”

“Yes, but I didn’t know that sacrifice would be my life. You’re selfish, Belladonna.”

“I’m not!”

“You’re greedy and self–centered!”

“Shut up. Shut up, I’m not!”

“You made me this way!”

“I did nothing!”

“You killed me! And that will be his fate too! Because you’re poison, Belladonna. Just like your name. Maybe that’s why your parents named you that way, because they knew what you would become.”

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!”

The scene changed, and suddenly I was staring at lifeless mismatched eyes that were red with blood.

“No!” I screamed as I jolted awake, my heart racing, my body soaked with sweat.

I threw the blanket off me, jumping off the bed, my heart beating so fast, I was scared that it might stop, tears streaming down my face.

I threw my door open, running out of my room. I tripped, using my hands to break the fall, but I was immediately on my feet and running again, barely feeling the sting in my hands.

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