The Varkas Brothers And Their Princess novel Chapter 163

Chapter 163

KADE

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At first, I hated her. Just the thought of her sent a pang of pain through my heart. I hated how she didn’t reciprocate my feelings, and how she wouldn’t even try. I hated how she saw me as a sex toy.

I hated her, but slowly, I began to understand her. That was when I realized how easy it was to fall for her.

“You don’t know what you do to people, do you?” I asked in a whisper, fighting the urge to touch her again. The hand I touched her with still burned, tingling with her warmth.

Her beautiful lips parted but no words came, she just blinked up at me, speechless and dazed. The air between us was thick with everything we haven’t said to each other, or maybe things we shouldn’t say.

But we were past that stage of minding our words. We had torn our walls down for each other, we had said things to each other, so what was there to be careful about?

“I wasn’t supposed to care,” I went on, my voice low and soft, my eyes still fixed on hers. “I wasn’t supposed to fall, Bella. You were supposed to be just a deal. Something that I had to live with until it was time for me to return to my life. You weren’t supposed to-” I broke off, my jaw working, clenching and unclenching. “You weren’t supposed to be something that can ruin me just by looking at me.”

Belladonna’s heart was pounding so hard that it felt like I was placing my head on her chest. Her breath was loud as she whispered, “You’re not ruined, Kade.”

“Oh, but I am.”

Her gaze turned determined. “You’re not. You’re just… angry. There’s a difference.”

I let out a dry laugh, humorless and soft. “You think I don’t know the difference between heartbreak and anger?”

She flinched, hurt clouding her eyes and my chest clenched. “You say you understand me, then why does it sound like you hate me for it?”

My chest tightened some more, causing me pain. With how much my chest has been aching this past month, it was really a miracle that it hasn’t stopped. I hated how much the past month hurt, and how miserable it felt. I hated that she deserted me after I had just learned about my feelings for her.

Hated… Hated… God, I hated everything at this point, because everything hurts. It hurts so damn much. Even now, even with how close she was and how her scent was fighting to turn me into a fool, it still hurts.

I dropped to my knees in front of her, resting my head on her lap, my face turned to the side. She stiffened, and I heard her heartbeat beat even faster.

She might have a heart attack at this point.

“That’s because I do,” I answered quietly. “Just because I understand you doesn’t mean I have to like it, Bella. I hate that I… that I still want to reach for you even when I know that I shouldn’t.”

10:20 Mon, Oct 13

Chapter 163

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“Oh, Kade,” her voice broke.

“Don’t cry.” I could already smell the tears. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough of that?”

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I might have stayed away from her, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t watching her. Yes, I was that pathetic. I was the one who said we should keep our distance, I was the one who said we needed to end everything, but I was also the fool who couldn’t stay away. I was the idiot who asked for an update on everything that was Belladonna. I was the bastard who stalked her.

Her hand moved slowly and she placed it gently on my head. I closed my eyes at that soft touch, that knot loosening in my chest, and I could finally breathe without a weight bearing down on my chest. She stroked my hair softly and that cold that had held onto me even since we were apart, slowly began to melt away, warmth filling my chest.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kade. I swear.”

“I know. And that’s what makes it worse.”

Silence hung between us, fragile but heavy. She didn’t stop stroking my hair, didn’t stop filling my chest with warmth.

“If you keep that up,” I whispered, my eyes still closed, “I won’t be able to walk away.”

“Then don’t,” she answered without hesitation, her stroking on my hair stopping and I fought the urge to

groan.

“But I have to, my darling.” I pulled my head away from her lap, finally looking at her, my eyes once again searching her black, endless eyes. “I have to.”

“Why?” she asked, grabbing my face and bringing it close to hers. “Why, Kade? Let’s go back to the way we were. We don’t… we don’t even need to have sex. I just need you, Kade.”

“You still have me, Bella.” I rubbed my cheek on her palm. “You still have me, but we can’t go back to the way we were. Because I want more. Because you were right and I’m selfish. I want so much more than what I had. I want to be able to express my feelings for you without fear that you would shut down on me. I want to be able to kiss you with more than lust. I want a lot of things, Belladonna. A lot of things that you won’t be able to give me. At least not yet.”

“Not yet?” she asked, her voice creaking, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Yes, not yet, my darling. I know you need time. You need to finally be able to let go of your grief and decide to open your heart again. So I’ll wait for that to happen. However long it’ll take. I’ll wait, Belladonna.”

She drew my face to hers, pressing her forehead to mine and closing her eyes as her tears slowly dropped. She cried softly and quietly, her tears coating my lips. I kept my eyes fixed on her face, afraid to touch her or

even move.

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