Bonds at War: The Untouched is Mine novel Chapter 200

Chapter 200 Damn You

Chapter 200 Damn You

ROWAN

Since when have I had a good night’s sleep like this? Probably never.

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Not once in all the years I could remember. My nights had always been poisoned restless, haunted, full of shadows that stayed with me even when my eyes were closed.

When I was younger, it was the nightmares of comparison. I felt like I was never enough. Sometimes, I wondered what it would feel like if Elijah was gone. However, the day he actually died, the nightmares grew even more monstrous. I missed him so much that I wanted it to be me instead.

When I met Ellana, the nights shifted. They were filled with a different fear–the gnawing doubt that she would leave and that she never truly loved me. I would lie awake next to her, looking at her, wondering if she was already planning her

escape.

And when Tessa left me, there was no comparison. It was her image that tormented me. Her laughter and her voice–and then her silence, her absence, like a thorn lodged deep into my chest. That was the cruelest nightmare of them all.

But last night was different.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I slept without the weight of ghosts pressing on my chest. I had no fear, no cold dread waiting for me in the dark. Just warmth. Just her.

Because I had just made love to Tessa.

The thought alone made my chest flutter. It had been her–every sound, every touch, every kiss. It wasn’t a dream nor a trick of the mind. I missed her so much, and now I couldn’t wait. I had her again. She came back. My mate came back.

I reached out instinctively, my hand sliding across the sheets, eager to feel her skin and pull her back into my arms. However, all I touched was the cool, empty space beside me.

My hand froze. My heart did too.

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11:29 Mon, 1 Septti.

Chapter 200 Damn You

No.

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I blinked my eyes open, my body jerking upright as I sat on the edge of the bed. The sheets were tangled and cold. The scent of her still clung to the air, but she wasn’t there.

“Tessa?” I called softly, my voice cracking in the quiet.

No answer.

I looked around the place, the bare house, each shadowy corner, each room that should’ve held her. My footsteps echoed as I moved from one to another, desperate, searching for any trace. But there was nothing.

No note on the table.

No letter by the bed.

No sign that she had even planned on staying.

“Damn it,” I whispered, and then the curse slipped harsher through my teeth. “Damn it!”

Did I just let her

go again?

The thought sent me spiraling, my fists tightening. How could I have been so careless? How could I let my guard down even for a second, thinking she would stay?

How would I even know where she is now?

I never asked where she lived now, or if she had a new number, a new life, anything that could tie me to her, I was so drunk on having her again and feeling her close, that I never stopped to think.

I hit myself, my palm slamining against my forehead.

How could I let my mate/run away from me twice?

***

TESSA

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11:29 Mon,

Chapter 200 Damn You

They were all looking at me on the public boat.

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I pretended not to notice, keeping my gaze on the wooden floorboards beneath my feet, as though staring at the cracks of the old vessel could erase every single pair of eyes burning holes into me. The morning air was crisp, the sea mist clinging to my clothes, but my palms were already damp. Maybe it was because I boarded right on time for the first dawn boat–one of those half–forgotten rides only people who absolutely had to travel this early bothered to take.

That was my salvation. If I had waited even half an hour longer, Rowan might have caught me.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I dug it out and found a string of messages from Noelle.

“You must have enjoyed too much,” she’d written at two in the morning. “You texted Edith you were staying in Fenra until morning. Are you serious? Did you meet with Rowan?”

I shut my eyes and shook my head. Noelle knew about Rowan because she was my ranting buddy. However, I slightly regretted it now. She pestered for me to show her a photo, and when I did, she told me to “fuck him” once because he was too “irresistible.”

Well, good news to Noelle–I did just that last night.

However, I escaped like a thief right after.

Fortunately, Rowan had been fast asleep. He looked peaceful. And for him, that was rare. It seemed he needed it. It was the only mercy I could give him—let him rest, let him wake up to an empty bed and not the sound of me leaving.

I pressed my lips together and adjusted the coat around me. His coat.

I had grabbed some of his clothes on the way out, wearing them over my body. They were definitely too big and smelled too much like him, but I had no other

choice.

Now here I was, tucked between strangers on a rickety boat bound for Ylarc, with multiple stopping points along the way.

That was the last time.

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11:29 Mon, 1 Sept

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